A Life-Changer Procedure

I’ve been quiet for a couple of months because I was gearing up for two operations and they ended up being just under a month apart. Then after the second op I got bronchitis which I’m still getting over but I’m much better than I was thanks to some superdooper antibiotics.

Thanks to my Neurologist (and pain specialist) we can manage my nerve pain after he nd him team inserted electrodes in my coccyx and under the skin in my lower back. It’s called a stimulator, I’ve had an occipital nerve stimulator to control headaches for about twelve years now and it works. My Neurologist attempted to insert electrodes into my spine about six years ago. It was extremely traumatic for him and I as I had to be awake for most of the procedure because if he was able to get in, I was to be able to tell him if the stimulation was going down my legs. Unfortunately that time wasn’t meant to be. But I’m wrapped to say this time he was successful and now we can get rid of Mr Zappy (the zapping pain that ran up my left leg), Mr Shitty (sciatica in my right leg) and lower back pain with a remote.

As my Neuro once explained it to me, if you bang your knee and then rub it, your brain will sense the rubbing sensation and forget about the pain. So my occipital nerve stimulator and now spinal stimulator sends electric pulses to the areas and my brain forgets about the pain. For five days I had zappy in one toe due to coughing (we didn’t know I had bloody bronchitis then), so I had a foot massage and until yesterday I didn’t had constant Zappy (one or two here and there but it immediately stopped). Yesterday morning was the first real test as I had two huge zaps. Mum adjusted the stimulator with the remote and I could enjoy an overdue birthday lunch with Nan.

So now we can look forward to the future with myself on less or no medications (I’ve been on a crapload for years and it has made me forgetful and dopey). I might even start interviewing artists again (I’ve had many people say I have to interview “Rob Rob” aka Rob Thomas), but I haven’t decided what’s next for me yet. I’m really interested in website design and social media marketing also. Overseas travelling is one of Mum and my goals, but you need money for that. Haha!

Looking From The Outside

If you look at me from the outside
You might assume she just sits at her computer achieving nothing,
Looking at my spamsing body
You might be fooled into assuming this,
And I don’t make a contribution to the society…
This couldn’t be further from the truth. ‘

Even though I have had more bad days than good in the past few years,
Until this February I prided myself on being a journalist,
Chasing and organising interviews was my life for over eight years,
People still say, “You have to interview Rob Rob”,
and they’re right.  I will!

I live for holidays with Mum or a friend,
Queensland is our favourite destination,
Because of my little brother and my little niece up there,
But going away with my Bestie is the best fun
He makes me forget about all of my health issues for a while.,
We get up to mischief!

Looking at me you wouldn’t know how I met a musician at one of his gigs,
I struck up Dutch courage and asked my carer to ask him over to our table,
We bonded immediately and for six years we were best mates,
We used to text everyday, sometimes he just wanted to say hi
or chat about things that made us laugh,
And even though he broke my heart in the end,
I don’t regret meeting him,
because he taught me that some people “Just see Jac”.

Will

Some days I feel like I can conquer the world! Some days I’m all go and do everything I want to achieve.  I remember when I was younger (before everything changed in 2000) thinking I want to walk the length of our then court. I thought “I can totally do it!”. I didn’t, of course but my will was so strong!

Today my Mum was getting her tattoos to celebrate being ten years cancer free! I was with my friend/worker at a shopping centre five minutes away walking distance. I knew it was cold outside, and walking to the tattooist would have bumps, would more than likely cause me pain tomorrow or the next day, but I thought “hell with it!”. So we walked to the tattooist to join one of my sisters to watch Mum getting her tattoos! Ten years ago Mum was brave when she told cancer to f*ck off twice, so some days I remind myself how tough she was and tell myself to “suck it up princess!”

There are some days when I can’t be brave at all. This is when I wake up in pain and my five to six cocktail of meds don’t touch the zapping pain much, until lunch I have an Endone or Panadine Forte because I like to do what I have to in the morning without being clouded (although since January I’ve been on a stronger dose of Lyrica so that’s affecting my mental capabilities which I absolutely hate but as Mum said it’s keeping me sane,) then after lunch I have an Endone and chill for the afternoon.

Chronic pain makes you feel not brave, and sometimes cowardly. Mum and I are planning a trip to the UK next year to travel around Scotland and Ireland (and maybe Italy). While this is very exciting and mind-blowing (as we will be standing on the same road as “Gerry” aka Gerald Butler in Ps. I Love You), on my bad days daunting as I know there will be much pain involved from the flight and beyond.

Some days (most days) I have the attitude “f#ck it” and plan things with caution. I often plan things with limitations, knowing there might be consequences to do the simplest acts. I often have ideas to write a piece or interview questions for artists or catch up with friends, but then remind myself I can’t due to the winter nights or the bumps in the taxi. This is when bravery escapes me and I hate the fact I need to think with caution. This has become my life now and I often wonder what it would be like to have my old life back. However, this is my life now so I’m going to live it!