Seven months

SEVEN MONTHS! Seven months since my last post! I would love to say I’ve been writing a book or poetry, but until October 3rd, I wasn’t a very well chicky.

As months passed and the world turned into something we didn’t recognise, many days of mine were spent looking outside focusing on two trees, one is a beautiful Blossom Tree (which naturally lost its beauty during autumn, echoing my physical state) and a giant Pittosporum (silver screen), which provided the meditation of watching its leaves and branches sway…yes a trick from the 90’s movie Phenomenon.

As the months passed, the more days I sat in front of my desktop computer looking outside (in case or when I needed Mum suddenly). Chronic headaches from a very pissed off occipital nerve became a daily thing. I had a battery pack in my tummy that supplied electrical pulses to over-stimulate the nerve, but unfortunately, the previous batteries had six to seven-year lifespans, and this one was eight!

And then 2020 happened! Yep…My neurosurgeon ordered x-rays in March (just when the Outbreak became an issue.) So more waiting to get a damn set of x-rays. I must say, the x-ray department at the hospital was great once we bit the bullet and went in. That was May/June (it could have been earlier), then we saw my neurosurgeon in July thanks to a cancellation and the fact that the battery pack had really started hurting (it should never be painful).

I should explain since January I suffered from migraines that often made me physically ill. By August I would have these migraines twice or three times within a month. As well as the headaches and migraines, I was putting up with Mr Zappy (nerve pain in my left leg and foot) as well. Headaches and Mr Zappy played off each other especially when I had vomited. I had a surgery two years ago to put a spinal stimulator in. Unaware of what it was supposed to be like, I thought it was the norm. Boy, I was wrong.

After a little setback in August, the stars aligned on Thursday, October 3rd, 2020! The surgery took almost three hours, and I’m still healing in several sites. But I’m mostly headache and most incredibly 98% Zappy free. I’m like a different woman! Sure, I get tired still and now know my limitations, but now I don’t stare outside focusing on the trees’ movements counting to ten while deep breathing…. I look outside thanking the trees getting me through days where I had sea of nausea!

And I can eat a bit of chocolate after thirteen months of cocoa abstinence!

The Tree

Swaying in the breeze
            Providing me with focus
Watching your leaves swa
Reminding me to breathe through
            Days where I couldn’t function.


We shared two seasons together
            Where we wilted to nothing
Until we began to bloom
            In the following Spring
When your pink blossoms became to life again.

            Jacqui James
            September 2020

Looking From The Outside

If you look at me from the outside
You might assume she just sits at her computer achieving nothing,
Looking at my spamsing body
You might be fooled into assuming this,
And I don’t make a contribution to the society…
This couldn’t be further from the truth. ‘

Even though I have had more bad days than good in the past few years,
Until this February I prided myself on being a journalist,
Chasing and organising interviews was my life for over eight years,
People still say, “You have to interview Rob Rob”,
and they’re right.  I will!

I live for holidays with Mum or a friend,
Queensland is our favourite destination,
Because of my little brother and my little niece up there,
But going away with my Bestie is the best fun
He makes me forget about all of my health issues for a while.,
We get up to mischief!

Looking at me you wouldn’t know how I met a musician at one of his gigs,
I struck up Dutch courage and asked my carer to ask him over to our table,
We bonded immediately and for six years we were best mates,
We used to text everyday, sometimes he just wanted to say hi
or chat about things that made us laugh,
And even though he broke my heart in the end,
I don’t regret meeting him,
because he taught me that some people “Just see Jac”.

Just Because….

Just because I have a severe disability

Doesn’t mean you have to speak loudly and slowly,

I comprehend everything you say.

Just because I have a severe disability

Doesn’t mean I’m unable to communicate with you,

Simply look at my computer screen; you’ll see what I’m saying.

Just because I have a severe disability

Doesn’t mean what I do in my life should be seen as spectacular and extraordinary,

I’m just doing what other people do.

Just because I have a severe disability

Doesn’t mean I should be treated like I’m isolated,

I lead a full life with cherished relationships and wonderful adventures.
Just because I have a severe disability

Doesn’t mean I don’t have the same thoughts, feelings and aspirations as you do,

I think, feel and aspire like you do.

Just because I have a severe disability

Doesn’t mean you can treat me like a child,

I’m an adult who makes her own decisions.

Just because I have a severe disability

Doesn’t mean you should assume anything about me,

My exterior fools most people.